shopping

Tags

anger, anxiety, confusion, sensory overload

today is shopping-day

act I

anxiety-anger-fear-panic

smells – too many smells

sounds – too loud

touch – dont!

clothes – itches

proximity – too close, move!

lights – burns my eyes

people – too many

crowded – cant breathe

voices – stop talking

music – hate music

everything chafes – everything is sweaty and cold

no focus – can’t

too much focus – mustn’t

time limit – hurry – only have 2 hours

thoughts too fast

thoughts too slow

no thoughts

too many thoughts

anxiety-anger-fear-panic

act II

too tired

too angry

too anxious

too thoughty

to pack away

groceries

 

daily life

Tags

anger, fear, panic, sensory overload

Everything smells too much
– including myself
Everything chafes
– my shirt
– ‎my pants
– ‎my shoes
– ‎my shoelaces
– ‎my hat
– ‎my wedding band
– ‎my earphones
– ‎my jacket
– ‎my glasses
– ‎my beard
– ‎my nose
– ‎sweat on my skin
The contents of my pockets are
unevenly distributed
The over-head lights are too bright
– despite sunglasses
– ‎despite looking down
Everything is too loud
– people talking to each other
– ‎people talking on the phone
– ‎the AC
– ‎the coffee machine
– ‎chairs scraping on the floor
– ‎clothes rustling as people walk by
– ‎the dishwasher
– ‎the water faucet running
– ‎the door opening and closing
– the city itself
My thoughts are too fast
My thoughts are too slow
My thoughts run in staccato
The conversation we are having
tunes in and out
what you are saying
makes no sense
I cannot focus
I focus too much
Anxiety washing through me
like a ravenous beast
stealing my last thought
Fear
Anger
Panic
rinse and repeat
Minutely, hourly, daily, monthly, yearly, year after year

meltdown time

Tags

asperger's, crowds, meltdown, noise, sensory overload, sound

Heading to the mall with a Christmas shopping list isn’t a fun-filled, exciting time for all kids.

Loud talking, perfumed candles and lots of shoppers can be a nightmare for children with autism.

"There’s too many people. It’s too crowded. It’s too loud. It’s an unfamiliar environment. It’s too hot," (from The Standard via Mike Keller)

around 2005 i started to suspect that i have adhd. i was diagnosed with adult adhd in 2009. i was immediately put on adhd medication. then suddenly a bunch of symptoms and behaviors, which my wife and i had identified as asperger’s’ in regards to her (she was diagnosed 2010) popped up. who’d have thunk, right?

sensory overload.

i hate crowds. i hate malls and shopping districts – especially on a saturday in stockholm. i simply cannot do buses and trains during rush hour. concerts and huge parties, no way. it fills me with such rage and panic that i just have to GET OUT OF THERE – or remove the people with a Kalashnikov.

meltdown.

i thought this was all part of my adhd.

now i know differently.

so now i am waiting for a time for an appointment with a psychologist, to be tested for asperger’s.