why bother?

Tags

depression, lack of energy, PTSD, sadness

i went to the kitchen

to make a simple oatmeal porridge for dinner

needed to chase down and wash:

a pot and a whisk

bowls to eat from

spoons to eat with

then make the porridge

brought a bowl of porridge

to my wife

did not bring one for me

no energy to eat

so why bother?

feelings

Tags

anger, angst, anxiety, fear, feelings, happiness, love, sadness

there are only a few ‘real’ feelings. sad. angry. happy. scared. love. all other emotions are mixtures of those five.

that was what my 12 step sponsor told me. she was right.

i am a bundle of feelings. anxiety is not the right word – the word angst comes closer as it encompasses inner turmoil. sure i have bouts with anxiety. every time i have to leave my home. go by bus. go by train. that i can some times override.

the inner turmoil on the other hand. cannot override that. that constant flow of emotions all jumbled together. never just sad or angry or happy or scared or loving. always. i guess that is why i always have to THINK before answering the question “how do you feel?” yet i cannot be certain exactly what i feel, because i feel all of it all the time.