Acceptance and Inclusion – Not Assimilation

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Ableism, Assimilation, Inclusion

neuroatypicals need to realize that neurotypicals don’t primarily communicate in the same ways (analogies, patterns, etc) and develop tools for communicating in ways that are more easily understood by neurotypicals if they want to fit in better.

This statement is so offensive and ableist it is beyond the pale. What this statement says, is that if I want to be accepted as a human being, equal to other human beings and included in society, I need to adopt a neurotypical way of speaking, processing speech and express non-verbal communications. I.e I need to behave like a neurotypical person, appear to be neurotypical, I need to become neurotypical. That is like saying that a black person, to be accepted as a human being, equal to other human beings and included in society, needs to become white.

The above quoted statement was made by a person with physical disabilities, in response to a discussion that covered why I may not use physical disabilities as analogous with Autism –  unless I accept ABA as a valid treatment for Autism.

What the above quoted statement is talking about is assimilation. Assimilation is when a minority group make themselves indistinguishable from the majority group in order to appease and achieve tolerance for their existence. Assimilation is not inclusion. Assimilation is living life in disguise.

I do not want Autistic people to assimilate, any more than I want black or gay people to assimilate. I want neurotypical society to practice inclusion. Autistic people should not be expected to undergo years of painful and intrusive behavioral therapy (ABA) to be accepted and included in society.

But we are. Thanks to the idea expressed in the initial quote. Because some disabled people went through years of physical therapy, or speech therapy, to become less visibly disabled and thus assimilated and ‘accepted’, Autistic people should too.

That sort of thinking reminds me of the Chinese tradition of binding women’s feet for the sake of fashion and class expectations. Mothers would forcibly bind their daughter’s feet, despite knowing how painful it was – because they had had their feet bound, and because it was expected by society. The practice of foot-binding was fortunately been abandoned in the mid 19th century.

It is time that we abandon the idea that disabled people must undergo painful and intrusive physical or behavioral therapies to be included in society as equal human beings with equal human rights.

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Living with Autistic Burnout – Lethargy

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lethargy

This post – tells you what Autistic Burnout is. But it does not tell you what it is like living with Autistic Burnout. So lets start with the first symptom on the list that affects me.

Lethargy. 

I wake up in the morning. I have no energy. No enthusiasm for anything. All I want is to go back to sleep. However, once I am not sleeping my brain still lists all the things I NEED to do. All the things I WANT to do. They are usually household chores – I do not like household chores so I avoid them. The things I WANT to do are usually artistic stuffs – writing, creating art, reading, playing with my cat. Things I used to find joy, self-esteem and peace in doing. Things that used to fire me up in the morning at the mere thought of doing them. There is no fire in my furnace. I still do them – but there is no joy, self-esteem or peace in doing them. Just an even grey mixed with black and dark brown.

Autistic Burnout

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Autistic Burnout, Executive Dysfunction, Meltdowns, Shutdowns, The Spoon Theory

The warning signs of Autistic Burnout are actually quite easy to spot if you know what to look for, either from an external point of view, as an observer, or loved one or internally, from an Autistic self’s point of view:

• A growing lethargy
• An increase in irritability
• An increase in anxiety
• An increase in over-sensitivity to sensory information
• A dramatic decrease in sensitivity to sensory information
• Heightened Auditory processing disorder
• A decrease in verbal language
• A decrease in text language
• An increase in Shutdowns and heightened withdrawn state
• An increase in the frequency and severity of Meltdowns
• A diminished ability for the person to self-regulate their emotional state
• The slowing down of the thought processes
• Brain fog
• Memory loss 
• A decrease in your ability to effectively communicate what you want 
• A decrease in motivation
• An inability to generate momentum of body and of action
• An increase of rigidity, narrowing of thinking
• A feeling like your vision is tighter or narrower
• Extreme forgetfulness
• Extreme overwhelm
• A massive increase in guilt
• An increase in Executive Dysfunction
• An increase in Demand Avoidance
  From The Autistic Advocate

The symptoms in bold and italics are symptoms I have and struggle with daily.

I was supposed to feed the family today. I managed to heat leftovers for my Wife, per her request. Then I cooked for myself – something relatively easy (made in the time it took to heat pasta water and boil the pasta). Then I sat down to eat – managed to get 2 forkfuls down – the food was delicious (most of my food is), and despite being ravenous I could eat no more – picking up food, chewing and swallowing were too energy demanding. I had run out of spoons… now I am beyond the point of being ravenous…

The Spoon Theory by  Christine Miserandino

Forced Social Interactions

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Assisted Transportation, small talk, Verbal Interaction

I use Assisted Transportation, i.e whenever I venture out I call a cab. I hate having to deal with cab drivers verbally. *Small Talk*. This Morning I went out to fetch a package at the post office and buy some honey at the store, for my Wife who is sick with the flu. The journey out was ok. I got into the cab, handed over my AT-card and all was well. By the time I was ready to go home I was on the phone with my wife. Cab drives up and I get in, I hand over my AT-card, tell the cabbie that I am on the phone and cannot/will not speak, and sit back for the drive home. And the cabbie just doesn’t get it – he keeps talking to me. I had to tell him TWICE after the initial time that I was on the phone, and the last time I had to raise my voice to get through to him! Note that it is common that when I raise my voice (no yelling) the cabbies in this area threaten to throw me out of the cab “for being aggressive and threatening”. So I immediately had a pang of fear that he would stop the car and yell at me to get out.

I hate when people think it is my OBLIGATION to respond to their inane chirpings that violate my person by not accepting my verbal boundaries. People don’t understand why I dislike neurotypicals so much. This is one of many reasons. They have no respect for simple boundaries. They demand that I adapt to their silly little social games, social games that has no real purpose or meaning.

i am

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Autistic Art, autistic poetry

i am one with autism

i am one with myself

i am one with my senses

i am autistic

skin

nose

mouth

ears

eyes

i am one with my feelings

i am autistic

anger

sadness

fear

joy

compassion

i am one with myself

i am one with autism

remove autism from me

and i cease to be.

autistic reflection

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art, poetry

i look at myself in the mirror
i do not see
broken
defective
disordered
diseased
disabled

i see me.

in the mirror of your eyes
i see
broken
defective
disordered
diseased
disabled

i do not see me

i see your reflection of me

i do not want to look at your eyes

autistic narrative, autistic reality and autistic lives matters

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#autisticlivesmatter, #boycottautismspeaks, the autistic experience

#autisticlivesmatter #boycottautismspeaks

My Wife wrote:

Knowing that I would have all the “benefits” (can’t think of any right now), without the downsides (which there are a lot, even for us high-functioning ones), makes me sometimes wish there was a cure.
I suppose I shouldn’t say “I don’t want a cure”, I should say I don’t want people to treat us as disease or diseased and thus lesser, worthless creatures, not even people. I don’t want people to ignore us because we could have been “better”, had we been “normal”. I don’t want to be reduced to just the downside of Autism.
I want people to focus on finding ways of making our lives and co-existence with NNs easier, and not on finding out AS already during pregnancy so that it can be aborted. I don’t want people to think only of the worst cases when they think about Autism. I don’t like knowing people see me as walking disease and not as a person who might have something to offer, just as every other human being.

I don’t want people to think my brain is damaged, because it isn’t. My brain is developed and fully functioning. It just doesn’t function the way NN brains function. I mean, there are no dead areas or damaged nerves or cells or anything, it’s just different. It’s not even that there is less brain; we have more of some parts and less of some other parts… It’s just that the human society is created for people with “normal” brain.

So… how much of the suffering Autistic people experience is due to the NN/NT stupidity and cruelty, and how much is because of Autism itself?
It isn’t my sensitivity that causes me suffering, it’s that the society doesn’t allow me to adjust my environment to my needs. (Or refuses to adjust the environment to the needs of those who cannot do it for themselves.)
It isn’t that I get meltdowns that cause me suffering, it’s the NN expectations that cause the meltdowns. If I was allowed to take the world at my own pace and manner, there wouldn’t be meltdowns.
If I was accepted as I am, appreciated for what is good in me, and not being harassed, punished and abused for what I can’t do or be, the suffering would be much less.

it is autism awareness month.

my world is lit up in all kinds of colors, blue (a violent, abusive color for autistics), red (have not figured out why that is an autistic color) and gold (though i am not sure if i may use that color to light up my world) – and with it my world is filled of stories of abuse, violence, hatred, ignorance, indifference and above all – neurotypical using their privilege to try and silence autistics.

“but then block/unlike the content that spew this” i hear my more rational self say. sure. but those people and those pages are my tribe, the people who are on my side – and those stories are their stories – the stories of my tribe. stories that are also my story.

i am in pain.

i am in pain

for my own story, for the stories of countless autistics throughout autistic history. stories of abused and murdered autistics, stories of neglected and tortured autistics, stories of  incarcerated and restrained autistics.

for the stories of my tribe

(google “murdered autistics”)

i hurt

because there is an entire world out there wanting to abuse and kill me for simply asking that the world accept me on my terms.

because there is an entire world out there wanting to abuse and kill me for simply existing.

 because it should be autism acceptance month – acceptance means the world is not aware of autistic me, but is including autistic me treating autistic me like a person, like a human being with all the rights and privileges of any other human being – but it is not autism acceptance month.

because the neurotypical world is still dictating autistic narrative, autistic reality and autistic lives.

 

my receiver is broken

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loneliness, social rules, unwritten rules

for some reason i just don’t compute with social media. or with people on social media. i am either too blunt or too subtle. either way it seems that i end up hurting people or pushing their buttons in ways i never intended. it is discouraging. it makes me feel insecure and odd – even in the autistic community. there are unwritten rules everywhere – ‘do this’, ‘don’t do that’, ‘do this, but not that way’, ‘do that, and do it the right way’ – it is infuriating, confusing and depressing.  it is also scary. of course i won’t agree with everybody i meet, and some wont agree with me. it is all those unwritten rules – ‘remember, you are with us now – have to do it the way we do it’. yes. i read the rules. ‘not those rules, the other rules’ – what other rules? ‘the rules we are not telling you about’.  OK – so even in the autistic community there are rules that are hidden, unspoken. and i am somehow supposed know them through some sort of secret radio waves? my receiver isn’t pinging me, so it must be broken. and right now i feel very much alone and lonely. i wonder when my receiver will be repaired.

the final solution – genocide through eugenics

Tags

autism speaks, demonizing autism, genocide

#boycottautismspeaks

this is autism speaks – a hate group aimed at eradicating autistic people. this why you should not support them – ever. among other things – they promote murder/suicide of autistic people as their ‘final solution’.

the video you just watched is a parody of a commercial for autism speaks which i will not post here – you can google on you tube for it if you think you can stomach it.

autism speaks is actively working for, financing and promoting research into prenatal testing so autistic children can be eradicated before they are even born, like the testing that already exists for down’s syndrome.

“In fact, its symbol, the puzzle piece, was created as a symbol of its purpose; to find the missing pieces of genetic material to establish a connection with autism and genes. This sort of research is problematic because it is part of seeking a cure for autism and can be interpreted as an attempt at eugenics.” LINK

to autism speaks we are “a problem”, “an epidemic”, “a burden to society”, including our parents – especially our parents. we are “a disease”, “a disorder”, something to get rid of.

they can do this because to autism speaks we are not really human. just like jews were not really human to the nazis. their ‘cure’ for autism is genocide through eugenics.

this is why – in april – every year no autistic person will ever ‘light it up blue’ – because that blue piece of a puzzle is the symbol of those who wish to terminate, eradicate, exterminate – kill us.

i could go on – but instead i am going to leave you with a  final quote and a few links.

“Because demonizing autism dehumanizes my child. Period. Because while shock and awe might raise money, they compromise my child’s safety, they tear away at her dignity, they separate her from the rest of us. “And what of older children and adults?” I asked Mark at the time. At six, I knew that my daughter wouldn’t see that video, but what about those who were old enough to watch it? What about Autistic teens who were so damned vulnerable — to bullying, to depression, to suicide. What about them? Did anyone think of what it would feel like to hear that if you haven’t already, you will destroy your parents’ marriage, bankrupt your family, make it impossible for your parents and siblings to do anything at all without pain and embarrassment? How would it feel to an already-struggling kid to hear that THEY are the cause of desperation, loneliness and fear?”

No Misery: This is Autism, Suzanne Wright

What I Believe

7 Reasons To Not Support Autism Speaks

International Badass Activists

What is NN/NT privilege?

Tags

asperger's, camoflaging, Chinese water torture, hypersensitive

You don’t need to pretend to pass as normal.
You don’t react to stress like I do. Fewer things stress you.
You are not as sensitive as I am.
You relate to language very differently from me.
You relate to emotions very differently from me.

I have Asperger’s. This definition is going extinct, I should say I’m Autistic. I am not severely Autistic, I pass as an NN/NT in most situations. There is something “wrong” with me, though. The doctor who made the medical evaluation of me for the Asperger’s diagnose expressed it “she seems friendly, but somewhat odd”. This is the first impression I give. I SEEM to be OK, but there is something off, and that makes people feel I’m lying, trying to hide something, deceitful, suspect.
And I am. I am trying to pass as normal because I have been told since the first time I entered an NN society, that there’s something wrong with me. Other kids wouldn’t play with me. My colleagues wouldn’t talk with me. I am not invited to coffee or lunch or birthday parties. People avoid me. Just because my Asperger’s shows. I don’t know how, and neither do they. No-one knows. They just know there’s something wrong.
You don’t need to deal with this. You feel “right”.
If you have ever been bullied, or worried about what kind of impression you make, think that that’s how it is for us, ALL THE TIME.

I don’t do stress. I can’t say I don’t do stress well because I don’t do it badly either. I don’t do it.
There are only two ways I react to stress. Either I become a raging ape or a ragdoll.

The connections between my brain and body stop functioning. My brain works, my body works, but they don’t co-operate. I get what is called selective mutism. I can’t talk. With a lot of effort, I can force myself stutter some words.
Other people react differently. Some cannot move their body at all. Some move but can’t control the movement.
Some NNs might have experienced something similar sometimes. I experience this all the time. The smallest amount of stress and I can’t trust my body anymore.

Another way to deal with the stress is to go into meltdown. No, we can’t control it. We can’t prevent it, we can’t stop it, it’s not a behavioral problem. It’s like having six or seven drill sergeants yelling at me, all different things. One tells me to stand up, the other to sit, the third to give him 20, go right, go left, hands up, hands down… now, now, NOW!
I scream out my frustration. I try to push off people, I try to give myself more room, more space, more air, fewer impulses, less stimulation, more quiet, more time to think, more time to choose, fewer choices… I start pushing, hitting, kicking, slapping everything close to me to get more space. I start throwing things to get people away from me.

I am very sensitive. You might call it oversensitive. That’s an understatement. The correct word is hypersensitive.
Now, if YOU were oversensitive, you would be an overreacting drama queen, because you are not neurologically as sensitive as I am.
You know Chinese water torture. A drop of water on your hand every second… at first it’s ridiculous. Why would anyone think that’s torture? It’s just a drop of water? You can barely feel it! At first. Then it doesn’t stop. It just keeps on dripping, drip, drip, drip, drop after drop, never ending. You get irritated. You can’t stop thinking about it. You can’t put it off your mind. You can’t ignore it. In a couple of minutes, the irritation turns into pain. It’s still just a drop of water. It doesn’t even cause a mark on your skin. No-one could tell you have been tortured. No-one would believe you.
That’s how it is for us all the time.
We feel everything. We hear everything. We smell everything. We see everything. We taste everything. Every single little thing, all the time. Most of us can’t turn off this. This is why we need the softest clothes, most comfortable materials, cuts, and sizes. This is why we need silence. This is why we are picky about our foods.
Also, it’s all senses, not just the five obvious ones. We are aware of senses you don’t even know exist. Things like balance or where things are related to our body, or self, or any other of the hundreds of senses we have.

You see… because of this, we can read other people extremely well. I know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel at any given moment. Because I can see all the micro expressions, I can smell your hormones, I can hear your heartbeat. I know.
So when I am with other people, I have to deal with not only my own emotions but yours too. And the more people you add, the more emotions I have to deal with.
You have to be trained to correctly read other people. We never lost the ability.
This is one reason why it’s extremely draining to be with other people.

Another reason is that Neuronormals lie all the time. Most of it is “white lies”, like saying “I’m OK” when we know you are not, or saying “I’m not angry” when we know you are. People say things they are expected to say and don’t say things they have learned are not OK. At the same time, the society keeps touting “you must not tell lies” and “I appreciate honesty most of all”. While lying through their teeth. While promoting lying. By saying it’s not only OK to lie, it’s what you should do in some situations… and do you know why? The most ridiculous reason of all… “not to hurt someone’s feelings”… Why do I think it’s ridiculous? BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO PROBLEMS HURTING OUR FEELINGS AT ALL! If THEY hurt OUR feelings, it’s because we are too sensitive, oversensitive, precious snowflakes… So, yes, ridiculous.
It is very confusing and tiresome. Very stressful.