Living with Autistic Burnout – Lethargy

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lethargy

This post – tells you what Autistic Burnout is. But it does not tell you what it is like living with Autistic Burnout. So lets start with the first symptom on the list that affects me.

Lethargy. 

I wake up in the morning. I have no energy. No enthusiasm for anything. All I want is to go back to sleep. However, once I am not sleeping my brain still lists all the things I NEED to do. All the things I WANT to do. They are usually household chores – I do not like household chores so I avoid them. The things I WANT to do are usually artistic stuffs – writing, creating art, reading, playing with my cat. Things I used to find joy, self-esteem and peace in doing. Things that used to fire me up in the morning at the mere thought of doing them. There is no fire in my furnace. I still do them – but there is no joy, self-esteem or peace in doing them. Just an even grey mixed with black and dark brown.

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Autistic Burnout

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Autistic Burnout, Executive Dysfunction, Meltdowns, Shutdowns, The Spoon Theory

The warning signs of Autistic Burnout are actually quite easy to spot if you know what to look for, either from an external point of view, as an observer, or loved one or internally, from an Autistic self’s point of view:

• A growing lethargy
• An increase in irritability
• An increase in anxiety
• An increase in over-sensitivity to sensory information
• A dramatic decrease in sensitivity to sensory information
• Heightened Auditory processing disorder
• A decrease in verbal language
• A decrease in text language
• An increase in Shutdowns and heightened withdrawn state
• An increase in the frequency and severity of Meltdowns
• A diminished ability for the person to self-regulate their emotional state
• The slowing down of the thought processes
• Brain fog
• Memory loss 
• A decrease in your ability to effectively communicate what you want 
• A decrease in motivation
• An inability to generate momentum of body and of action
• An increase of rigidity, narrowing of thinking
• A feeling like your vision is tighter or narrower
• Extreme forgetfulness
• Extreme overwhelm
• A massive increase in guilt
• An increase in Executive Dysfunction
• An increase in Demand Avoidance
  From The Autistic Advocate

The symptoms in bold and italics are symptoms I have and struggle with daily.

I was supposed to feed the family today. I managed to heat leftovers for my Wife, per her request. Then I cooked for myself – something relatively easy (made in the time it took to heat pasta water and boil the pasta). Then I sat down to eat – managed to get 2 forkfuls down – the food was delicious (most of my food is), and despite being ravenous I could eat no more – picking up food, chewing and swallowing were too energy demanding. I had run out of spoons… now I am beyond the point of being ravenous…

The Spoon Theory by  Christine Miserandino