i am not ready to make nice

Tags

aggressions, denial, denigration, emotional threats, neurotypical abuse, physical threats, respect

so another aspie came in and respectfully asked me to bow out and leave the discussion to her – i acquiesced. no need for two people pounding on the same neurotypical skull  😀. but i can feel inside me how i am not ready to make nice – but i also see that it is not this specific neurotypical it is about – it is a rather long life full of neurotypicals. i can explain to you how i work, what makes me tick, what makes me happy, sad, anxious, stressed out; what makes me go into overload, what triggers my cPTSD and melt-downs – but you can never understand what it means on an emotional, physical, mental, social and spiritual level to be autistic me. you cannot understand what it means when you call my special interests an ‘obsession’ or ‘fixation’ instead of ‘hobby’. or what it does to me when you call my melt-downs ‘tantrums’. nor can you ever understand in what ways it harms and hurts me when you say things like ‘we are all a little autistic’ or ‘we are all on the spectrum’. it is not any fault of yours. we are different you and i. i have no idea how it is to be neurotypical you. still, i do not talk about you or to you in demeaning  or diminishing terms.

i am willing to admit that i have no clue what it means to be neurotypical. still, i am willing to treat you with respect. i do not see the same willingness in you. i do not see the same respect in your treatment of me. i see demands that i adapt to your world on your terms. i see subtle and not so subtle aggressions in the form of eye-rolling, sighs, glares, micro-aggressive body language whenever i fail to fit into your neurotypical mold. i hear your veiled threats of social punishment of, emotional withdrawal from and intellectual denial of autistic me whenever i interact with you and fail to fit into your neurotypical idea of ‘acceptable’.

i feel, see and hear the slight tone of condescension in your voice the moment i tell you i am autistic. you try to cover it, you try to cover the small movements of truth in your face as you feign an interest, a patience, a tolerance or an acceptance you do not feel. you do not think i can see, feel or hear this, because what you think you know about me you have not learned from me. you read them in a book, or in article online, written by someone who is not autistic.

i see a world full of neurotypicals who have absolutely no interest in autistic me. a world of neurotypicals who daily and hourly subject me to aggressions, denigration, denial, threats to my person, threats to my soul and my spirit. a world of neurotypicals who silently accept when other neurotypicals subject me to abuse and other forms of violence.

and you say you do not understand why i am angry and not ready to make nice?

Neurotypicals parenting autistic children

Tags

child abuse, gimp-splaining, neurodifferent activism, Neurotypical privilege, parenting

Autistic Children grow up into Autistic Adults

Me: to the neurotypicals in this thread – check your privilege and shut up and listen, goddammit!

Neurotypical PhD: If that is directed to myself … please provide ur PHD in psychiatrics

Me: yes it was directed at you, because you are being an idiot. you don’t listen, you think you know best when it comes to autistics – even those who actually live autistic reality. comes directly from your neurotypical privilege and it is ignorant, abusive and offensive.

when neurotypicals speak on neurodifferent issues, they are not speaking for us. they are speaking for their understanding of neurodifferent issues and they are speaking from inside their privilege. they cannot speak for us. it does not matter how well-meaning, well-informed/well-educated or sensitive they are – they are not qualified to speak on neurodifferent issues. that they do, despite their inherent incompetence, is nothing but them using their neurotypical privilege. any organization or educational body that is not run by or directed by neurodifferent people is automatically dominating the neurodifferent narrative are and violating neurodifferent people and their lives. even the frigging psychiatrists.

Neurotypical PhD: I don’t know what’s best for Autistics. .. my children are not autistic.. myself is not either. Not once did I claim to know that I knew Autistics. .. what I do know is mothering given my experience of being a mother of 5… I also know there isn’t much support in Ontario for Parents of Autistic children as I have MANY friends who’s children are autistic . And that concerns me ….. as I feel they deserve support and life skill on how to deal with their children and not just prescriptions. (my emphasis)

this is where i really lost it – how to deal with their children – as if autistic children are some sort of psychological baggage or walking situational crisis… or juvenile delinquent that needs ‘dealing with’… it is sickening, and the worst part of it that she doesn’t realize what she is saying to us – the autistics in the thread – or that it comes from inside her neurotypical privilege. she is clueless. she is trying, but she is clueless.

Me: yes, you know people with autistic children. but you are not listening to [OP] – how about neurotypicals reach out to US, the autistic adults and ask us how to raise autistic children? but you dont, you complain, whine and go on about how hard it is, but not even when the solution is right in front of you do you avail yourself. why? because of neurotypical privilege. you are stuck in ‘autistics-are-lesser-people’ mode and are incapable of understanding that we – the autistics – are the real experts, not the government, not the neurotypical psychiatrists, doctors, nurses, not even the parents. have you [Neurotypical PhD], reached out to even one autistic run organization and asked for information about what is available to neurotypical parents in terms of learning about and acquiring skills to raise their children without abusing them?

Neurotypical PhD: 1st I don’t complain or whine … I man up and deal with shit.. so clumping folks is not correct .
Yes I have reached out for friends to organizations that specialize in Autistics …. Autism Ontario and Geneva center …. and autism does not directly effect me but I care enough too

oh. she cares. but apparently not enough shut up and check her frigging privilege, language and prejudices. it is like what someone said earlier in the thread “The worst part is you’ll leave this thread thinking you were in the right the whole time, when you could have learned something.” nope she will not have learned anything. she will enter the next discussion just as clueless and arrogant and sure that she knows better than autistics.

Me: ‘you’ in the first part of my post was a ‘general you’ – and yes, clumping is correct, because there are 90 of ‘you’ and 10 of ‘us’ in any given demographic at any given time.

the number of neurotypical parents that actually are aware of how their autistic children function and how to handle situations when they arise, are from what i have gathered from various groups and pages i am in and on, are just about 5 in 90.

it is common sense that you do not drag your child across the floor or the pavement – if this had been a neurotypical child, child services would have been called pronto – if not the police. but that did not happen. yeah, she was yelled at on the internet. got her picture in the paper. that was it.

1. she could have just sat down with him – no autistic child has melt-downs for no reason, so find out what triggers them and find ways to minimize the risk of exposure to triggers.
2. she could have just held him – if i can hold my 200lb wife when she is in a melt-down so she wont hurt herself and until she calms down, then a parent can hold a 4-year old.
3. she could have called for help.

parenting is common sense. there is no need to abuse a child, and no excuse to do it either.

(i am of the opinion that as soon as a child is diagnosed with ASD it should be removed from their neurotypical parents and fostered/adopted by autistic parents. but that i cannot say that i think – because that would be horrible to the neurotypical parents…)