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Stars1something rather amazing happened this morning. you all know how the ‘experts’ claim that autists do not have *theory of mind*. you also know that i think it is pure horse manure. here is an example of why:

me: i am not going to finland – my brother-in-law says he cant take having me there. i wish he would have said this while there was still time to get a refund.

xy: what is wrong with him?

me: considering that, 1. he’s an aspie, 2. his daughter was almost raped by his (then) best friend of 30 years, and he is still working that out, 3. his father just died and 4. he’s only met me twice, i can find a few mitigating circumstances.

when i first found out i wasn’t going to finland to be with my wife for a few days, i felt disappointed and angry, and almost immediately i started thinking that the reason must be that my bil doesn’t like me. then i went to the store, bought some milk and when i came back home i found that people had responded to my post about not going.

when i had to ‘defend’ my brother-in-law i ‘was forced’ think out-side my own reaction – to respond to what my emotions stood for: the question “why does he do this?”. i realized after i had responded, that his unwillingness to let me come to finland didn’t have to have anything to do with me. that he might actually have completely unrelated reasons for not wanting me there.

this was a light-bulb moment for me. not that he might have his reasons all his own, but that i found a way out of my ‘automatic thinking’ that it must be because of me.

i am still disappointed, but i am not angry and i don’t feel bad about me.