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Heartnothing brings us so close to our own mortality, as the death of a family member. it is inevitable. my father died 2001. my first thought when i was told, was: now i am the oldest in my family.

yesterday my father-in-law died. it had been a long downhill struggle, so for him it was most certainly a relief physically. still, just last week he said he would try and hang on until his pension-pay-out, so his wife would have a little more money for the month ahead. he worried for his widow-to-be. hearing this, i realized that i too am thinking about those i leave behind one day.

i am not afraid to die, nor am i afraid of the after-life. death is a natural part of living and i and G-d are on first name basis. but i do worry what will become of my wife the day i die. how she will cope, how she will manage. that scares me.

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