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mornings are hazardous living with me (and most addies). more arguments have started in our home right after getting out of bed/waking up than i wish to remember, and the root cause is either of two: me forgetting that even if i am up, i am not ‘awake’ or my wife forgetting the same.

over the years we have used several methods/tricks to get around the sinkholes of my mean morning mood. i say ‘we’, because even though i am ultimately responsible for my emotions and actions, my wife do actually have responsibility for how she does things too.

once it was apparent that my mean morning mood cannot be changed, which was our first course of action – me working on containing the fall-out while being social and interactive right after waking up – which failed miserably because i have adhd and as. then we racked our brains to try and find the reason i had this morning mood. we found many things that seemed to trigger the explosions:

  • talking about important stuff
  • talking about upsetting stuff
  • talking about stuff we disagreed about
  • talking about stuff that expressed possible demands
  • being woken by the phone
  • being woken by any loud noise
  • being asked to do stuff that takes thinking

then we thought that it might be HOW i woke up. that if i woke up in a soft and cuddly manner, gently and slow, it would ease the risk of explosive fall-out. to a degree it did. but it is not always feasible for my wife to conjure up the strength and energy to make it happen that way, and some times she could be the paragon of loving-kindness and i would blow up in her face nevertheless. besides, she should not have to jump through hoops to avoid being bitten.

so when it turned out that i almost always had this mean morning mood regardless of what happened we came up with this basic morning rule: do not disturb the bear.

it does not always work, because we both forget, and i assume that it will keep being like this for the foreseeable future – but now we have left the project of trying to fix the sinkhole, and are actively working on finding a way that will help us both remember that the sinkhole is there and to avoid it.

the latest idea – a hat. yes, a hat. a hat that i put on when i go to bed and subsequently wake up wearing, where it says: DO NOT DISTURB!

now what remains is to actually make the hat. when we have it, i’ll post a picture 😀