some days…

Tags

anger, grumpiness, taking responsibility

…i am not fit for human consumption. i wake up grumpy, angry and irritable. things that wouldn’t faze me any other day, sends me off into snapping, screaming, exaggerating my own importance, and eventually blaming everyone else for everything, including my bad mood, my reactions and expressions of that bad mood.

this is not right.  this is wrong. this hurts me and it hurts those around me.

other people are not responsible for how i feel or react – i am. other people have not deserved that i unload my ‘crabby bear’ on them. they are innocent bystanders, and ‘collateral’ doesn’t work in real life – if i wake up with a grievance against life, it is my responsibility to make sure that others are not made to pay for this. my responsibility, no-one else’s.

i have adhd, and part of that means having bad impulse control. i know this. knowledge is power. this means that i can acknowledge that i woke up ‘crabby bear’, and either deal with the reason i am grumpy, angry and irritable or make sure other people are not hit by my bad temper. this also means that when i fail to contain the fall-out of my grumpiness,  i acknowledge my failure, apologize and try to mend any broken souls i ‘left on the battlefield’.

“but i didn’t know people would be hurt…” – bullshit.

pure horseshit.

if i wake up in ‘crabby bear mode’ i have to assume that anything i say or do in direct response to others carry a crabby, angry, irritable taint.

why? because it is human nature. it is human psychology 101. any emotions i harbor at any given moment will carry over in my voice, my words, my general language and be picked up by the person(s) around me.

“but…why would others be hurt, it’s just words and emotions…?”

that too is human psychology 101. snapping, screaming, exaggerating my own importance, and eventually blaming everyone else for everything, including my bad mood, my reactions and expressions of that bad mood hurts others, regardless of what i think my intentions are, regardless of whether i am aware that i am grumpy, angry and irritable. that is how humans work.

love is easy

Tags

emotions, empathy, love, relationships

“____, do you take ____ to be your wedded (wife/husband), and in the presence of these witnesses do you vow that you will do everything in your power to make your love for (her/him) a growing part of your life? Will you continue to strengthen it from day to day and week to week with your best resources? Will you stand by (her/him) in sickness or in health, in poverty or in wealth, and will you shun all others and keep yourself to (her/him) alone as long as you both shall live?”

i do… i did. 13 years ago. and i have not regretted it for even a moment. my wife has as. and the longer i live with her i realize that it is exactly because she does have aspergers, that i love her.

i must be weird, because i think LOVE is easy, LOVING is simple. it is all about DOING. read that italicized paragraph again – there is not one single emotion mentioned – only verbs, ACTION words. do you get it?