a theory

Tags

monkey-brain, patterns, positive distraction

i have this theory about aspies and addies brains and why so many of us choose either video games or computer games to unload, decompress, ‘cave’.

our brains detect the regular flicker by which the tv-screen or computer-screen updates the visible image – if you watch a video shot of a tv or computer while they are powered on you can see this flicker as dark stripes rolling across the screen.

i think aspies and addies use this regular pattern to keep what i call the ‘monkey-brain’ busy (positive distraction) and calm, leaving the operative parts of the brain free to sort impressions, emotions and thoughts that we have been bombarded with during a day.

i have a similar theory about why Baroque music, or Baroque-like music work so well to help addies to concentrate, focus, and relax. Baroque music has a very distinct rhythm – 4/4 – and this rhythm helps our neurons to slow down and connect in a more orderly fashion. in a similar fashion it keeps the ‘monkey-brain’ busy (and therefor happy) so the operative parts of the brain can work without interruptions.

‘like’

Tags

alone vs. lonely, communication, conversation, facebook, small talk, social conventions

‘like’. what does it mean? when people hit ‘like’ beneath at post or comment, what do they mean?

do they LIKE the contents of the post? or do they like me? are they simply telling the me that they read the post? are they saying they agree with the contents or me? or are they hitting ‘like’ because i‘liked’ one of their posts?

if they ‘like’, then why not comment, and say so out loud and clear? it seems facebook is a community that communicates through ‘likes’ – yet does anyone really know what ‘like’ means? if no one knows what ‘like’ really means, how is that any true communication? what are we really saying to each other?

the social conventions of the internet, and of facebook is confusing. and lonely.

the war within

Tags

alone vs. lonely, small talk, social conventions

i hate it when my neurons collide. some days i am at war with myself. my addie thrive in company, charges his batteries around people. likes to goof around just hanging and chat. my aspie thrives alone, in quiet and focusing on what he likes at the moment.

i joined a few new groups on facebook. my addie loves the easy, relaxed way people just post and converse. my aspie hates all the small talk and superficial yapping. he wants substances. talk that means something. so his energy is not squandered. my addie keeps coming up with silly jokes or just wants to surf from person to person doling out ♥♥♥s.

and then both end up depressed.

—

 

so what’s with the ‘caving’?

Tags

caving, decompressing, video games

i am a cave bear. the image at the left is me after, say two hours of socializing. i need to mend. to sort. defrazzle. decompress. i need to focus on one specific thing to return to myself. so i ‘cave’.

usually with a video game, some times by reading a book or watching TV, but mostly it’s video games. if i am not allowed to ‘cave’ i get nasty, short-tempered, angry, snappy, disoriented and depressed.

general life stress, like financial issues, emotional overload, marital ‘problems’, expectations (my own and others’) will also bring on the need to ‘cave’ – f.i from january-may this year my family went through a period of extreme uncertainty regarding our financial future – i ‘caved’ 12-14 hours a day.

“-uhu”, you say, “what did your wife like that, you being unavailable 12-14 hours each day for 5 months"?”

well, there are ways, and it is all a matter of negotiating and communicating.

all our rooms have a ceiling lamp, with a switch by the door.

so when my wife wanted/ needed/ desired to communicate/ share/ request something she simply flipped the switch to signal this. this signal is subtle enough not to be ‘invasive’, and clear enough to be ‘noticed’. i would pause my game, unplug my ears and the time it takes to do those things is enough for me to ‘gather myself’ and be able to pay attention to her. and then when she is done communicating, sharing or whatever, i can just slip back into my ‘cave’, and keep my equilibrium.

naturally, since my wife is an aspie too, the same ‘rules’ apply when she is ‘caving’- though she calls it ‘nesting’.