bus leaves at 12.28. must pay bills. must go and get new smart card for the internet bank. must. there is no other option. not now, not today. today is the only day that exists.

going out means meeting people. can do that. with planning. preparation. can handle ONE thing – and one thing only.

bus is not there. timetable changed – again. runs for other bus – the one on the other side of the Project Center. just going through there is a feat of huge proportions. sees bus disappear around corner. NO! nononononono…not today, not this minute. cannot handle. must-must-must. no other time exists. meltdown. head spinning.

people hate me. people laugh, point fingers. i am everything loathsome, vile and horrible incarnate.

don’t fucking move that bus! my serenity, sanity and sense of self depends on that bus being where it is supposed to, where it has always been, where it was yesterday.