i came across a blog post yesterday about being in a relationship with someone who has AS. that got me thinking about me and my wife.
we’ve been together for 17 years now, married for 13, and we are still madly in love with each other.
how have we survived considering that we are both aspies, and i am an addie as well? well, here is what i wrote in the comment to that blog post:
we learned how to deal with each other and ourselves, simply because the pros of the relationship far outweighed the cons.
we based our life on four concepts: Commitment, Communication, Compromise and Compassion.
1. we are committed to each other, so not working through what is happening is not an option.
2. we talk about what is going on while it is going on to the best of our ability – basically expressing needs in each situation.
3. we look for the third way. not the half ‘n half way, but a completely different way of doing things, when we disagree.
4. we accept the other as they are and do not try to change them.
we do have rules about behavior:
throwing things AT the other is a no-no. name-calling is a no-no. even just before a meltdown and during a meltdown it is possible to make that choice. really. it is.
it has not been easy, the walls, our china and doors bear witness to just how hard it has been at times – especially before we were diagnosed. nevertheless, we are still together, still in love and still learning how to live with each other and our neurodiversity.