by now you should have a pretty good idea about my relationship to clutter and cleaning. i am a clutterer and i am not very good at cleaning up the messes i make. i never have been. apart from the obvious it has an even darker side. my mother was a neat-freak. she believed in physical discipline. for the longest time the mere idea of cleaning caused me to panic and freeze because i KNEW that no matter how much i tried it would not be good enough. and since i knew i would be punished no matter what (even after i grew up and moved away from her), i simply gave up the idea of trying completely.
which is not a good idea. has ended me in a world of trouble more than once.
what can i do? asking for help is one thing. yes, but what kind of help? picking the task apart. sorting the parts and make them single goals. i can do the dishes. yes. i can wash the floor. yes. i can wipe cupboard doors. etc. yes. but i cannot ‘clean the kitchen’. or just ‘clean’.
so if someone gives me a list of tasks that together make up the concept of ‘cleaning the kitchen’, i can do it. with a little help in keeping focused 
i refuse to be intimidated. by those who twist what i say to mean something it does not and then accuse me of being this or that and a third thing. what i say is clear enough, and it is obvious to those who matter what i actually said. 
