i had a friend once who, whenever i shared some sort of ‘truth’ about myself in ‘public’, would say that it was no one’s business. like my adhd. like being jewish. like being depressed. like being a transman. then, if i got grief from people, my friend would resort to telling me that it was my own fault, because i told these things about myself. only this friend would not be very nice about it – it always came out in accusations and ridicule. i never understood my friend’s position. i still do not.
now i do understand where all this ‘hush-hush’ came from. my friend has built their life on the idea of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’. because it might be used as a tool of aggression. so instead of offering kindness and support to me when i was bullied because of my ‘difference’, they endorsed the bullying (and became one of the bullies)by accepting a policy of silence.
i do not want to live my life in silence, where only the ‘appropriate’, ‘convenient’ and ‘non-offensive’ may be shared with others. that only leads to a cementation of bullying of others because they are ‘different’.
it is true that the ‘secret’ and ‘personal’ is only part of me. of others. but since this stuff is considered ‘personal’ it lies at the very core of who i am. who others are.
how can we create a world where we are all accepted if we are not willing to get rid of that which separates us, not by hiding it, but by sharing and accepting it?
I also identify with this Henric. I am very open and did not understand this till my Autism Worker told me that this is typical of ADHDers & Aspies as there is virtually no ability to separate between a Family Member, a Friend, an Acquaintance, a Community Helper (Police, Fire, Paramedic, Social Worker) or stranger. I am being taught the Circles Program which defines each of these categories by a nested set of circles with different colours. Strangers are Red for Danger I think I will have to check that as I am working on it.
However your Friend obviously believes in Blaming the Victim. Rather than understanding you and that you may not be able to discern and that perhaps it is best to state very clearly that bullying is not acceptable in any form.
Thank you, Gerret. I never associated my openness with my Addiness or my Aspieness. I will have to think about this. ♥hug♥