i had a friend once who, whenever i shared some sort of ‘truth’ about myself in ‘public’, would say that it was no one’s business. like my adhd. like being jewish. like being depressed. like being a transman. then, if i got grief from people, my friend would resort to telling me that it was my own fault, because i told these things about myself. only this friend would not be very nice about it – it always came out in accusations and ridicule. i never understood my friend’s position. i still do not.
now i do understand where all this ‘hush-hush’ came from. my friend has built their life on the idea of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’. because it might be used as a tool of aggression. so instead of offering kindness and support to me when i was bullied because of my ‘difference’, they endorsed the bullying (and became one of the bullies)by accepting a policy of silence.
i do not want to live my life in silence, where only the ‘appropriate’, ‘convenient’ and ‘non-offensive’ may be shared with others. that only leads to a cementation of bullying of others because they are ‘different’.
it is true that the ‘secret’ and ‘personal’ is only part of me. of others. but since this stuff is considered ‘personal’ it lies at the very core of who i am. who others are.
how can we create a world where we are all accepted if we are not willing to get rid of that which separates us, not by hiding it, but by sharing and accepting it?
